At The Beach.

Today I persuaded Koala to come to the dog beach with Bilby and I. Usually when we suggest such an outing he's not too keen. With a little gentle coaxing, the promise of a short stay, and ice cream on the way home, Bilby and I triumphed! We took our very timid one year old dog Peaches with us. As it was mid week we thought she might be less overwhelmed by lots of huge dogs anxious to play with her. The weather was also perfect!

In theory it sounded great, until an over sized boxer puppy came over to greet Peaches. She was so terrified she tried to swim out to Bilby! She spent the rest of our visit at my side refusing to play, even with the smallest of dogs.

What would a trip to the beach be without a water fight!

We didn't think the water would be warm enough for swimming, so no rash shirts. The boys however braved  it, and even went for a  proper swim!

Hopefully there will be many more days like this. We even did some cooking earlier in the day, complete with thickening cream the old fashioned way. With six arms between us, it didn't take long! So in one day we have achieved many of the things I was hoping for in my last post! 

Step away from the curriculum!

Well my attempts to move towards unschooling have been a failure! I am finding it so very difficult to let go and trust that relinquishing control over Koala's learning will not ruin his life!

Today I realised that I have not yet come to a strong conclusion as to where I sit on the home education continuum. I have constantly vacillated between methodologies without having a firm opinion as to which one I believe in most strongly. They all sound so worthy and interesting! The only style I have never tried is unit studies! Natural learning holds a strong attraction for me, but why can't I just get on with it!

Of course I know why. I'm ashamed to admit the reasons because I know that they are not valid, but the fear is still there whether or not I agree with the principles of unschooling. So here are my fears. Perhaps if I share them they will dissipate. (not likely but worth a try!)

If I allow Koala to unschool, I worry that he will do nothing for months. Just the thought of it, and I can feel my anxiety rise. As it is he is content to sit and wait for hours, doing nothing before gaming time begins. On Sunday, our gaming free day, he is lost!

What if he never learns the basics well enough to succeed. I do believe that when children and adults want to learn something they will, if they have been given the tools to learn, but...

Will he blame me for not having made him do enough. For giving into his anxiety over certain things rather than gently pushing on through.

I'll get the whole unschooling thing wrong. I'll allow my lazy tendencies to mean that I won't strew enough interesting things along his path.

It just sounds like so much more hard work than other methods of education. The parent has to be on the job all the time. Constantly thinking of ways to engage their children.

So these are just some of my fears. But I have decided that on Monday things will be very different. I will only ask Koala to do the following:
Sit and listen to a read-aloud about St. Dominic Savio, and  continue our reading of Acts of the Apostles, copy out his spelling words, and a small passage of copywork, continue to read "Then" with me. That's it! If he wants to do a chapter of Life of Fred, great. If not no problem. The same applies to listening to The Rangers Apprentice on audio book.

I want connection and joy to be our most important goals. The curriculum of conversation! I want to see my little boy smile more, and confide in me more. I want him to know that he is loved, respected and supported in the significant challenges he is facing. I want us cook something yummy together. I would like him to want go to the beach, or rock climbing, or explore the bush behind our house, or any number of other activities. I want him to explore things that interest him. But if he doesn't do any of these things on Monday, or for the rest of the year, that will be ok.

As for me, I want to let go and feel that it is safe to do so. To be released from the fear that I'm stuffing it all up!

I'll keep you posted!


P.S. The previous two posts were written some time ago, but I wasn't ready to post them in case I decided it was all a big mistake!

What I'm Learning.

Well it's been two weeks since we changed direction. It would be incorrect to say we are unschooling, but I keep refering back to this "When pressed, I define unschooling as allowing children as much freedom to learn in the world, as their parents can comfortably bear."So by that definition we are on the road, and moving forward.

We still do some bookwork because there are some things I am not prepared to give up at this point because I know that they are helping. Koala also needs some structure as we transition to a more relaxed approach. He has been very anxious lately when the boundaries aren't clearly defined, so structure is important for him.

The main thing I have noticed is that both the children and myself are much more relaxed. I am making a huge effort to put any anxiety about what we "should" be doing, behind me. I'm looking for more opportunities that are fun, or at least different from what we are used to. For example this week we went to see the Archibald Prize at the art gallery. The boys were underwhelmed, and keen to go way before I was, but it was something different that I took time to do, rather than thinking we should do that and not following through. Yesterday I helped Bilby make a cake. Yes it took a lot longer than if I had done it, but I was relaxed enough to not be bothered about the time taken or the mess because I wasn't stressing about all the things on the list that I thought we "should" be doing. We spent a bit if time on the Brain Pop app which led to discussions about  WW2, and we read a picture book I have about the one women's experience of the bombing of Hiroshima, "My Hiroshima." Bilby went off to watch a few more Brain Pop annimations and take the quizzes! All without me worring about what we weren't doing from the dreaded *list*.

Why was I so bent on sticking so closely to formal school type learning? Well there were two reasons. I was so up tight about how "behind" we were that I felt like I couldn't give up the bookwork type things we did in favour of more fun relaxed experiential learning. I had the mindset that it was all up to me. If I didn't make them do x y z then I had failed my children. This year I have been able to see the foolishness of this way of thinking. My children will be who they are, no matter what I try and *make* them learn. The second reason is that I'm not a very hands on type person. I loved university lectures where I could sit and take notes and just drink in the information presented to me. Some of my fondest memories of my time at university are of inspiring lectures where I would be furiously taking notes, or when I was inspired by the way a lecturer conveyed his or her passion. My least favourite times were when I was in a classroom! Hands on activities were far less interesting to me. This is the same for me today. I love nothing more than sitting down with a book, listening to an interesting radio interview or watching a documentary. In fact I recently realised how often I say to the boys "I watched a documentart once..."

At the head level I was convicted of the common sence that came from a natural learning standpoint, but it scared the hell out of me. How could I let go without being consumed with fear that I was letting my children down if they couldn't do certain things at the level I thought they should? I respected and valued the unschoolers in my circle. I even envied them their calm relaxed lifestyle, but I couldn't become one of them. But times have changed and I'm ready to take on some elements of the unschooling lifestyle.

I have decided that it's well and truely time for me to take a risk and try something new. To open myself up to more fun and less structure. I have a list (some habits are hard to break!) of things I would like to do with the boys that are different from what we used to do all day, and I'm making suggestions to the boys of things they might like to try. I am really excited by the change in our atmosphere, and where it will take us.

A New Direction

I have on occassion been accussed of being stubborn! Most people who have a passing acquaintance with me will use words like "gentle, quiet, and calm" when describing me. And they would be right. Those words do accurately describe my character, but not all of it. I can be quietly (and sometimes not so quietly!) pig headedly stubborn. Those closest to me have seen the side I rarely reveal to the masses. I can doggedly hold my ground long after a more reasonable person would have stood down! My journey on the homeschooling road has been no different.

Many of you will relate to times in your life when the Holy Spirit, or someone close to you suggests you try something new, but you resist. Perhaps you have flirted with the new idea, played with it, tried it out briefly only to put it back on the shelf, where it can be mostly ignored until the next time the Holy Spirit, gently urges you to reconsider, and the whole dance begins again.

This is the relationship I have had with unschooling. I have always largely agreed with natural learning, but have never been able to let go and put it into practice. There have been times over that last six and a half years where I have decided that I would probably try unschooling. I held it in my hands for a little while, but put it back on the shelf before I ever really took the plunge. It has been there on the shelf calling to me where I have convienently ignored it.

It is currently fed up with my total lack of response, and has started rudely shouting at me to get attention, and for once I am really listening. I have taken it down from the top shelf and am determined to give it my full attention. I've wrapped it around me, and will not put it down.

Perhaps this isn't the best analagy, but I'll use it all the same! You get the idea.

This year feels like a turning point for us. I've come to some important conclusions about homeschooling and my relationship to it. When we started all those years ago I bought into the idea that homeschooling would magically mean my children would thrive academically. Haven't we all read the reports which sprout that home educated children score a year or two higher on academic testing, or some such generalisation? Well then, I reasoned, so would my children. After all I was passionate about learning. How could my children not excel with one on one mum time.

What I forgot was that my children would be exactly who they were created to be no matter how academic *I* wanted them to be. I am ashamed to say that it took me too long to give up my desire for them to be sitting around reading Tolkien all day!

Things have come to head in recent weeks in such a way that I need to act. One of our children is facing some huge challenges, and my dogged attachment to school type endeavours is only adding to his anxiety, and in turn to the anxiety of everyone in the family.

So here we go! Jumping off into unschooling. I've rejoined a few unschooling email groups, bought a few unschooling books and prayed a lot. I can't say that what we will be doing will be pure unschooling, but most of it will have that flavour. I'm not bothered by labels. We'll just be doing it, and not worrying what to call it!

In devouring Suzie Andres' book A Little Way of Homeschooling over the week end, I have come away with one word. Gentleness. That's what we all need around here.

The second reading at Mass today also really resonated with me:
You must give up your old way of life, you must put aside your old self. Ephesians 4:22

So most of the following posts will be my attempt to record and sort through the changes to our days.

Here goes...

A Wicked Explanation!

Koala has something of a sweet tooth. On a recent trip to the bulk foods warehouse he spent his money on a box of Wicked Fizz bars. I discovered that the way my children reacted to to experience of the lolly was a wonderfully simple way to explain how kids on the spectrum process sensory information.

Roo is highly orally sensitive. Brushing his teeth is hugely difficult for him. We brush his teeth as quickly as possible while he squeals the whole time. We have a glass of water ready for spitting, and the milk on the bench so that he can have a drink straight away to remove the taste of the toothpaste. We use plain toothpaste as he has a strong aversion to anything minty. As a baby he wasn't much of a chewer, which has carried over into his growing years in that he tends not to put much of anything in his mouth, even food!


Koala on the other hand always chewed whatever was at hand. When he was anxious it was clothes which he could chew a hole in with astonishing rapidity. (As a  Winnie The Pooh fan I just had to use those last two words!) Lots of our Lego is unusable as Koala would chew on a piece whilst building. On the whole Koala is hypo-sensitive (under sensitive) to most stimuli. I've blogged in the past about his being unaware of his shoes being on the wrong foot and so forth.


Bilby is neither hyper or hypo sensitive. His sensory system  is just right. Neither to fast or slow.


So back to the Wicked Fizz. Roo wanted to try one, but after a few licks he said he didn't want it and sat very quietly on the lounge licking his lips looking rather uncomfortable. The fizzy sensation was just too much for him. I them asked Bilby what his reaction to the lolly was? Was it a little too fizzy for him? He explained he liked the lolly but it was a little too fizzy for his tastes, but it didn't bother him at all. I then asked Koala who replied that he felt that it was slightly fizzy, but it wasn't uncomfortable at all.


I thought that this example of my children's reactions was a great way to explain what can be a difficult concept to grasp for those who don't have children with sensory processing issues, especially as I have the full gamut of sensory responses in my children from extreme aversion through to under sensitivity. Who would have thought that a hunble lolly could be so useful!

No, I Do Not Need A Break!

I have often wondered why almost everyone who does not homeschool their children seem to think two things about me. One, that I must be saintly to want to spend all day, every day with my children, and two, that I need a break from them as often as possible in order to maintain my sanity. People worry about me, and enquire with concerned looks as to how often I am able to get away for a break from my children. I do enjoy time on my own, but it is not a pressing need that must be met on a weekly basis! People often exclaim that they could never do what I do, and often say that being with their children all day would drive them crazy! But do they react in the same way to women who work full time?

I know from experience that what I do day in and day out, is a walk in the park compared to going out to work full time. I no longer rush around packing lunches, arranging child care, making sure the washing is out before 7am, rush in the door in the evening to put on dinner and to find that by the children's bed time I haven't spent so much as ten minutes with my children. I do not need to sit up into the small hours marking exams, writing reports or planning lessons as I did when I worked as a high school English and History teacher.

Back then no one ever insisted that I needed to get away, despite the fact that as a teacher I spent most of my day with children, exactly as I do now! No one looked at me with pity or incredulity because they couldn't imagine how I could possibly manage! After six years of astounded looks, and concern for my lack of "me time" I feel for women who work full time. Do people continually question their ability to cope with the obvious demands of a forty hour week, and caring for their home and family? Do people genuinely believe that what I do as a homeschooler is so much more challenging than full time employment that it warrants all the concern and worry? Why wasn't I overwhelmed with concerns for my welfare when I was teaching other people's children all day?

There simply can be no comparison between what I do all day, and what women who work full time do during their days. I do not need to rush in the morning, I have no deadlines except for arriving at archery on time one morning a week, and Mass on a Sunday. I am able to leisurely learn with my children, enjoy their company (yes it is possible!) and keep house at the same time, whilst in my pyjamas if I feel like it!

I have lived both realities, and I know which is easier. We may have less money, but we certainly have more than enough despite one modest income. We do not go without, and excepting a small mortgage, we have no debt. So where is the need for concern? I lead a blessed life which I wish more women could share in.

The only conclusion I can come to is that many dislike children so much that the thought that someone would gladly choose to teach their children at home is incomprehensible to them. One only has to reflect on how many people put off having children so that they can "have a life" as if a full life is impossible once one is "burdened" with children.

I find it indescribably sad that people would think that choosing to be with my children each day could be anything other than what it is. An incredibly privileged and joyful experience. My children are not a burden, and I most certainly do not need a break from them!

A Little Different.

When I was growing up, there were two things about me that were different. The first being that I am an only child. Back in the 1970s and 80s this made me something of an oddity! The most common reaction I received was jealously! This was an emotion which I most definitely did not understand as I was desperate for a sibling.


The second thing was less talked about. I was born with a cleft lip and palate. Growing up I was painfully aware that I looked a little different from other children. I was teased on several occasions, but the worst I can remember was the rather dull offering of "fat lip" by a rather fat boy in sixth class! The main source of my discomfort was the knowledge that I did look different. When I thought about my appearance I wondered what people thought of me, and if they would like me despite my difference. Being of a naturally shy disposition didn't help my lack of self-esteem.


I was aware that I was somewhat lucky when compared with other children born with the same condition. My cleft is unilateral, rather than bilateral, and I had enough skin on my upper lip to form a not too thin top lip. The thing which gave me the most discomfort was the base of my nose which, like most with a cleft lip, is somewhat out of alignment!


The times I felt most different were when I looked at my pre-operation baby photos. It was a little confronting to remember that the unattractive baby in the photos was me! My parents wisely did not hide the photos from me, and answered all my questions. At the time I wasn't aware that there are countless children in poverty stricken countries who did not have access to the surgery that made me just like everyone else. Now I am acutely aware how fortunate I was to be born in a country were I had the opportunity to lead a totally normal life.


As a teen and young adult I did at times wonder if I was pretty enough for someone to really love me, but it wasn't something I ruminated on. The only other time I gave it much thought was during pregnancy when I breathed a slight of relief as the stenographer showed us our baby's fully formed lip!


So today when a lady at church nervously approached me to discuss my lip I was reminded of what it means to be born a little different. This lady has an adult son with a cleft lip and palate and she wanted to affirm and encourage me which was lovely! Her son had a more difficult time of it than me, as he had less bone in his upper jaw and was bullied more than myself. She also related the story of a man who approached her to ensure that she did not shun her son as he had been shunned by his parents, who were embarrassed by his appearance. When I hear stories like these I am reminded of my blessed I have been!